Going outside. Sometimes my favourite thing in the world. Sometimes unimaginable. I am a perfectly 50/50 outside to inside person and this has allowed me to feel the perfect guilt that others put on you when you plan on staying in, particularly on a sunny day. I know that a lot of people have been there but I’m going to talk about my own experiences with this issue that has bugged me since a child.
I was a very shy child with a brother and sister over ten years older than myself. So I was practically an only child, as two teenagers didn’t really want to hang around with weird little old me (a blog post all to itself). I loved playing on my own. Most of the games revolved around animals; farms, vets, horse rider barbie and my favourite time of the week was when my mum would take me to my horse riding lesson. Unfortunately though, this would be paired with me throwing up repeatedly on the journey there because I’d be so nervous. I was in no way forced to go – I loved it! It was pushing me out of my comfort zone though and my body reacted badly, something I still struggle with today.
As I got older I got into video games like the Sims and Kingdom Hearts. I still love gaming to this day as I can run around amazing places in the comfort of my lounge! But as most people know, these kind of games can’t be played for just 10 minutes… as a child I would set up camp in my big brothers room and set up for an afternoon of PlayStation 2 goodness but every. time. my dad (who I adore) would bowl in exclaiming “It’s too nice to be sitting indoors! Get outside and play with some friends or… something?”. Cue GUILT. I would normally then head outside and play with the dog for a bit (“Friends” to me meant my dog pretty much) which was all well and good, then sneak inside and carry on with what I really wanted to do, except accompanied with feeling like I wasn’t “making the most of the day”. Still now when it’s a sunny day and I’m on my own, if I get an itch to play something it’s always paired with the same guilt and my dad’s voice. I know why he said it I guess.
As I mentioned before I see myself as a 50/50 indoors to outdoors person. I love landscape photography and seeing beautiful places, going for long walks and finding places I haven’t seen before. It makes me feel free, especially if I’m listening to a good podcast or playlist too. So when I have days where I don’t want to go out, see my friends or go to the family barbecue I notice how people presume something must be really wrong or if I’ve spent a sunny afternoon playing Far Cry 4 people look at me like I’ve committed a crime. I think I like to spend time alone because of those days I had a lot of fun playing on my own as a child, I used to long to be grown up so I couldn’t be dragged to parties or made to play with mum’s friends children and here I am. I am a 23 year old girl who is perfectly happy to say “no thanks” to social occasions. As I’m sure many of you agree, we don’t always feel like going outside or being social and luckily as I’ve got older I feel that people are learning to accept me and how I choose to be.
If someone makes you feel guilty for staying inside. Remember that what you do is up to you and you only. Some sunny days can be enjoyed from the inside too!
– C x